Spiritually Induced Suicide

I am losing my mind and finding my soul at the same time

I am not a professional. I am simply sharing a part of my life in hopes of showing others they are not alone. If you are having any thoughts, please reach out to someone you feel comfortable with and let them know what’s up. If you can afford to or have the time, please seek help from a professional skilled in suicidal conversations. Your life is yours and yours alone. Take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts, and feelings, and know that you will always have the power to get out of the prison mind you’ve trapped yourself in. Remember, this too shall pass. You may feel alone, but I am here to tell you that I feel the same way at times and we can get through it together. Even if I am miles away, I will always share my story in hopes that it will help someone out there. 

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal or just needs someone to talk to, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Let me open the conversation to some difficult talk. The conversations we believe can only take place in our heads, in a journal, or with a therapist. We are human. We need community, especially in situations like this, where we seem to feel alone because of negative thoughts that tell us we are no good here.

Suicidal talk comes with that “hush hush” energy. Fuck your “hush hush” because this is very common and I’m tired of pretending it’s not.

No one ever talks about the wave of depression that hits you on your journey at times. You can feel at the top of the world one minute and ready to end it all the next.

The confusing thing for me is that I am not sad. I love life. I adore the people, the experiences, the emotions, everything. That is living, to feel, to experience, to BE! That is why we are here. No one said this shit would be easy.

I seem to have developed a yearning for a home I know I belong to but cannot reach. A home that welcomes me when I welcome death.

“I WANT OUT”, I scream internally. Out of the matrix? Out of reality? Out of responsibility? Or is it to be out of hardship?

After this pandemic, I am sure we can all relate to just wanting to be fucking over with it.

For many of us, disassociation hits. We go on autopilot. No, we don’t wanna feel the feels. No, we don’t know what’s happening because we do not care anymore. We just DON’T, for FUCKS SAKE.

I’ve always had a pretty strong mind, but as you get older and the weight of life gets to you, sometimes you just can’t hold it all together anymore. Sometimes talking to a professional, journaling, meditating, drugs… whatever! Sometimes IT AIN’T IT.

I don’t want to be responsible for myself anymore. I’m fucking tired. You become a spiritual person and there is no more going back to the way you viewed life before. There is no going back to ignoring your growth because you have become so damn aware of the world and how it mirrors you that you feel like one slip in your thought process is going to alter your reality.

When you get on your spiritual journey, you are quite literally faced with the best and worst parts of yourself. When you become aware of the spiritual realm, you become aware of the cosmos that mirrors you.

You notice your relationships mirror you. Your life situations mirror you. Everything is a reflection of you and you’ll notice it all. You realize you can’t get away from it. You notice that there is no turning back. You notice that things are not even real. We materialize things with our minds on a subatomic level so quickly that we mistake them for being real. In a way, it is real, but once it ends, it is not “The End”. Because we know there is more, we start to view death and life as the same thing.

You wish sometimes for that “Peace” that ignorance gave you. Ignorance, indeed, my dear, is blissful!

I scared a lot of people when I opened this conversation. But why? Why are you afraid of death?

Death is inevitable, baby. It is the final bow to an experience you chose to come into. Death is peace.

Many people experience peace at the moment of death. How do I know this? From books, of course, specifically “The Unobstructed Universe”

A wife is dead for 6 months before her husband gets in contact with her through the use of a psychic medium that connects to the other side. Through this psychic connection, the wife came through as a spiritual being and explained death as the beginning of it all.

I won’t go too in-depth, but she explained how the life we live now is just an experience we must learn from. The game of life we play here is created only for the evolution of consciousness. Remember, we are all conscious beings here to evolve by experiencing emotions and feelings. She explained that the souls that choose to die by sucide are usually frowned upon because they chose to come into this life and not evolve as much as they can. You have many lives and some of us choose to have short ones. We CHOOSE the difficulty, the hardship. We CHOOSE the good and bad things that happen to us.

When I speak about suicide, I think about a short life. I think about a soul that knew that this reality was a shit show and didn’t want to stay long. I do not think of cowardliness, I do not think of sadness, because THIS LIFE IS NOT THE END.

In Asian culture, a long life is praised because the elderly choose to collect as much data as they can in this life experience to take back with them wherever they go. They are praised for their longevity.

Just like me, many of us have found out the secrets of the spiritual realm. We have broken the fourth wall and no longer look at this life as the end all be all. We know there is more and it’s almost an excitement that comes behind “wanting to end it all”.

I am not here encouraging y’all to unalive yourselves but I am here to say it’s okay to feel that way.

Life is fucking hard my guy and that is okay.

The fact that you are still here collecting data for whatever comes after the great beyond is spectacular. I am proud of us.

I know it is hard, but find the balance. It is one of the universe’s biggest lessons. When we stay stagnant, the universe will find every way to get us moving. Sometimes it feels like they are sinking our ship further. It is because the universe has no patience for not wanting to evolve.

You are a light being here to experince life. So do it. Find the balance between feeling like shit and being the shit.

It is okay to not be okay. It’s an episode in your series, and it’s not the final one. Can you stick around for season 2 and 3 and so on? Finish writing the script. Even if this scene is depressing, that too shall pass.

My name is Yemane and this month I was suicidal. Not because I was sad, but because life got too hard, I gave up. I did not want to keep going, and because I sat too long in that mood, the universe kept sinking me because there was no balance. I couldn’t keep up. I let one thing like my finances get the best of me and cloud my mind.

I let fear take over; there was no balance. I couldn’t bring myself to grow because I was focused on my external world. I was terrified and allowed it to ball up to the point where I wanted to end it all.

In October, I was suicidal and that was okay. I experienced very low vibrations and am now bringing in balance to overcome it.

Life can get bad, but it will always get good again when you find the balance between the low and the high. When you allow yourself to be in that sadness, to become aware of it, process it and look for a way out. 

I guess now we ask, how do we keep the balance? 

Stay Tuned for a visual that goes along with this blog post that will be on my YouTube channel later.

I asked Tik Tok (@yemanearieon):

Does anyone else feel like this?

Remember, you are not alone. I love you.

So Love Yours Too xoxo

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